My Favorite Joke and Where we Go From Here

"I don't know how people manage to clean up the kitchen and do all the dishes immediately after dinner.

I'm always waaaaay too drunk."

I used to love to tell this joke in sort of mixed company because it always got the right kind of laugh - those who knew me well giggled at the exaggerated "Party Jean" persona that I had been cultivating for years, and those who didn't nearly aspirated their cappuccinos at the absurd punchline.

I've been thinking about this joke, and other boozing jokes that have become staples of my daily-life-comedy routine, because a thing I learned is that when you have liver cancer, you stop drinking.  Adios IPAs.

A few weeks ago, before my diagnosis, I innocently thought that my stomach issues might be related to a gluten sensitivity so I cut it from my diet. No Potbelly sammiches, pizza, or beer. During those few weeks I had a moment or two where I felt a loss of these things in a bigger way than "Man,White Claw is sick, I wish I had a beer". I realized that simple things like my favorite foods had come to serve as identity markers for me; the story of who I am includes my love for a sandwich and a cold beer brewed locally. I wondered if I was still the same person without these things.

Well, its a spoiler to no one that gluten sensitivity wasn't the problem, and I'm happy to say that I'm back on the bread wagon, but with a liver that is working hard to keep pumping amid cancerous invaders, it appears I had the last drink of my life sometime in mid-September. The good news? I'm fine with it. Turns out either my brain or my body flipped a switch and I've lost interest in alcohol. So,  I'm not staring at all your frosty mug instagram posts with longing - In fact keep 'em coming. Also also, I'm definitely the same person. It's easier to let go of things when you have to, but still a good reminder that identity markers don't have to be permanent.

--

I've had just about a million doctor appointments in the last few weeks getting more details about whats going on inside my bod, including a biopsy of the liver and a biopsy of the colon. At this time, surgery and radiation are off the table and we are going straight to chemo. We are currently with a hospital in Evanston (based purely on the location of the original ER I went to on 15 September), but the plan this week is to transfer to Northwestern Medicine, which would move treatment downtown. NM has a bigger network, more trials, and Ruth and I both liked the personal interaction we had with doctors from that team. Tomorrow I have an outpatient pre-chemo procedure, with the hope that chemo will start next week. I'll learn a little more about what that treatment plan looks like in the next few days, but because I'm youngish and other wise healthy (haha?), they plan to give me some tough drugs in chemo. Sounds like fun, right?

XOXO

JD

Post Script: Ruth still really likes IPAs. <3