Make it Work!

January in Chicago is a rather torturous affair, but I don’t have too much to complain about this time around since I rarely leave the house. Ruth has been getting out more - to the gym, running errands - but I have stuck close to home. Between the cold, which I have never been a fan of and that now flares up such sensitivity in my face, fingers and toes, and the ceaseless threat of Omicron, staying home seems best for all parties.

I had a scan after my 8th cycle of chemo on 24 January, and the docs come back with “good news” - the cancer is stable. Hanging tight. Not going anywhere. Of course, my use of quotes above reveals a little disappointment. Even a realist like me wants to get a call from a doctor in awe of a miracle; wants to hear “holy cow these tumors are just disappearing!” But that’s not expected and it’s not what I hear: stable. Stable is good.  It means that I can free my mind from spiraling out with each ache, “My _____ hurts. Is the cancer in my _____??” We know where the cancer is, and for now, it’s staying there. This is good.

This cycle was a little rough, in that I felt pretty miserable for almost the full week after treatment. I’ve been lucky that some of the worst side effects - mouth sores, nausea, etc - have NOT resurfaced, but abdominal pain and general crappy feelings are persistent. My appetite is hit or miss. My hair has thinned but it’s still there, baby! I’m working on getting better at medicating myself, taking a pain killer before I’m miserable, for instance. It’s been a challenging mental hurdle for me to acknowledge that I might have to be medicated all the time. That the pain won’t go away with rest, or more water, or a healthy meal. Retraining the brain is a part of the process. 

Non Cancer Goings-On: Ruth and I are both working like crazy, and hope to take some time off and maybe see some sun in March and April. I’ve decided to be more Discerning about what I read (i have limited time - I’m not wasting it on something I don’t enjoy) and have been reading the books of my former classmates that I hadn’t gotten around to. I don’t know about you but I am lucky to know a ton of talented writers who have actually gotten book deals. We tried to pick up the tv show Yellowstone, but TV that’s full of dudes who just murder people instead of problem-solving has lost my attention. So recommendations for things not about terrible murdery people are welcome.  I’m probably going to watch the new American Idol season because I can finally admit that shit is my jam. I keep baking cookies that I don’t like very much, but my friends seem happy about it. Eliot is doing well. We leave heated blankets on around the house to please him. He’s a king (and a great nurse when I’m not feeling well). 

That’s all for now. 

Xoxo 

JD