Over the weekend after treatment #4 last Friday, Ruth and I watched the new Lin Manuel directed, Jonathan Larson tribute, Tick, Tick, Boom. During one emotional song (one that Ruth has played on repeat in the days since), my voice cracked and the words spilled out of my mouth as the tears rolled down my cheeks:
"Oh no...its too much...my eyes hurt!"
What kind of sounds like a metaphoric emo proclamation is actual fact: in the days after chemo, expressing tears from my eyes physically hurts. So does chewing (sharp and intense jaw pain for the first few bites on each side), touching anything cold (from a piece of metal silverware in the drawer - yikes - or a weather exposed doorknob - f*&$!) and drinking or eating anything cold, but CRYING? CRYING? Come on people! Who makes this stuff?
Coupled with some of the more serious symptoms, those first few days after treatment can be a real trip, but I've gotten through them ok, with Ruth's help and patience. To not develop a a feeling of fear around chemo, I'm always psyching myself up for the next treatment. It helps that Northwestern is a nice facility and that I can eat snacks and drink juice and watch TV on my ipad for a few hours pretending I'm "relaxing". I'm about to start season two of Brooklyn 99.
I mentioned that after the CT runaround in October, I had another CT scan scheduled for Monday the 29th. I spoke to my doctor today who said that he was pleased to see no spread or growth and maybe even a little shrinkage in the the invaders in my liver. Paired with my overall "feeling better", he said he was 'happy" with the results. We will take it. Next one in 8 weeks.
The best thing about this last few weeks and the weeks ahead is that I am DROWNING in work. Most of you know this as "IA Season" during which Jean divides a Subway footlong into lunch and dinner and works from 9-9 for about a month or 6 weeks in the winter to prepare for our big event in January. Its a little different right now, because I'm mostly working from home, but work is INSANE and I feel like I cant physically put in enough hours to be caught up. This doesn't seem like a "plus" to most of you, I'm guessing, but to me it is. Its the most normal I've felt in months, and I can go hours on end without thinking about cancer. I'm very tired, but I'm also really enjoying myself.
In the upcoming months of super busy-ness and extreme cold, the primary need for me is to get enough exercise and eat well. Since my appetite is mostly normal, we are lining up recipes and knockin' them down (have a good one? with a lot of protein? please share!)
This weekend we also got Ruth's road bike up on a bike trainer in the sun room, so hopefully we both can get a workout in without braving the elements. I look forward to getting one or two muscles back (chemo just chews through your muscles!) and logging some miles from the comfort of my home.
And that's what we've got. Hope ya'll had a happy American Thanksgiving.
xoxo
JD
I hope it doesn't hurt when YOU cry, so you can fully enjoy this clip from Tick, Tick, Boom:
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